OTTAWA – In the midst of widespread online celebration of Diljit Dosanjh, local racist mom Andrea McAllister is insisting she is not aroused by the world-renowned Bhangra star.
McAllister’s daughter Stacy detailed the situation. “The other night at dinner my boyfriend brought up how much he enjoyed Dosanjh’s recent Fallon performance, and my dad snorted derisively, muttering something about ‘those people’ and how they’re ‘polluting our country'”. She continued “That’s when my mom jumped in, screaming saying she found it ‘disgusting’ and couldn’t understand how anyone could find it remotely appealing, especially not sexually”.
Mrs. McAllister confirmed her daughter’s account. “I said it, and I meant it! When I saw that performance, I thought, ‘What kind of ugly nonsense is this?!'” she fumed. “Did you see that so-called ‘dancing’?! Yuck! So rhythmic and powerful! He must have been absolutely dripping in sweat!”.
Andrea’s grievances extended to the most prominent signifiers of Mr. Dosanjh’s Sikh faith. “Did you see that beard?! How could anyone be drawn to such an obvious symbol of testosterone and masculinity?!”
“And don’t get me started on that ridiculous turban! You just know that when he removes it, a gross cascade of gloriously dark locks tumbles down his shoulders, like in that vile video of Jagmeet Singh that I definitely didn’t watch on a loop throughout the fall of 2019!”
McAllister closed by saving his strongest criticism for the Punjabi superstar’s music. “The worst thing was the dhol! I can think of nothing less titillating than a pounding beat that reverberates through your chest and thighs!”.
