HALIFAX – A recent controversy over developments in the South End of Halifax has left citizens feeling conflicted, as they are forced to choose between their hatred for the residents of the community, and their hatred for the Dalhousie students who are likely to occupy them.
“I don’t know where I stand,” said Jollimore resident Alan Greiss. “On the one hand, these developments are really pissing off South Enders, which makes me happy, because I hate them. But, on the other hand, they likely mean more housing options for Dal kids, which makes me angry, because I hate them”.
“I mean, more over-the-top homecoming parties thrown by spoiled Ontarrobrats? Bad! Fewer over-the-top sweet-sixteen parties thrown by spoiled Novasnobs? Good!”.
Conversely, Dan Chen of Uniacke Square, however, was solidly in favour of the developments.
“Honestly, I think they should go all out! More developments!” he exclaimed. “With any luck, they’ll annoy each other so much that it turns into a blood bath. Just the thought of old rich people and young rich people tearing each other apart? That’s like Nova Scotian porn!”.
At press time, area councillor Laura White appealing for compassion from the wider public, noting, “When we, your representatives, signed on for more housing in the city, we did so with the understanding that it wouldn’t be in the areas where we live”.
