OTTAWA – The office of Governor General went unfilled today after Louise Arbour failed the necessary skill-testing questioning.
As per protocol, the swearing-in ceremony for the King’s representative in Canada required Prime Minister Mark Carney’s appointee to solve a simple equation. However, Ms. Arbour answered “What is the result of 5 + 3 × 6?” with 48 instead of the correct 23, prompting audible gasps from gathered dignitaries and immediately throwing the nation into constitutional limbo.
Struggling to speak through her tears, the former Supreme Court jurist apologised to Canadians. “I am deeply sorry and embarrassed,” she began. “I suppose the nerves got to me, or Grade 7 was simply too long ago. I completely forgot BEDMAS!”.
Despite making clear his disappointment, Carney expressed acceptance of the outcome. “Skill testing questions are an integral component of Canadian society,” he said. “In this country, it’s a violation of the Criminal Code to give someone an award for doing absolutely nothing, and there’s no better example of paying someone to do dick-all than appointing a Governor General”.
Although some have suggested that a simple arithmetic error is a foolish reason to undermine an incredibly accomplished woman, a contrite Arbour disagreed, noting, “Math is the same in English and French”.
