HALIFAX – Editor’s note: In celebration of our past, we periodically share an article from our archives. The following was first published on July 28, 1940.
Dalhousie University was the scene of tragedy today after the renowned educational institution was overrun by invaders from the University of King’s College, who had hidden themselves inside a hollowed-out sculpture of a giant exploding penis.
“It was angry King’s students,” explained shell-shocked university president Donald Ember. “Some fellas at the Grawood had a few too many and started singing ‘Farewell to Nova Scotia’, but couldn’t remember all of the lyrics. King’s has a pretty great reputation for the arts, so we figured one of their deans might know and one thing led to another and, well, we kidnapped Helen Creighton.”
“We were gonna give her back, but she had so much fun telling us ghost stories, she just fell in love with the place,” he continued. “The next thing we knew, the whole of Studley Campus was surrounded by angry Journalism students.”
“Things got pretty hairy for a while, there, but we were pretty sure it had all blown over,” said Ember. “It seemed like the folks from King’s had decided to head back to their dorms, and even left us a beautiful carving of a giant exploding penis as a peace offering. It seemed really sweet.”
Pausing to wipe a tear, the president continued, “But it wasn’t sweet, it was the key to a fiendish plot so clever that it has no parallel in history.”
“So, in remembrance of this horrific day, I have ordered the sculpture to be installed in a place of prominence on our grounds, so that visitors may leave offerings of condolence, or at least giggle like a mischievous child.”
At press time, the entire Classics Department has been fired.
