TORONTO – In an effort to increase its rate of content-creation, Postmedia’s Toronto Sun has begun a program to offer compensate to visible minorities who violate the law.
“It’s no secret that the newspaper industry is in decline,” explains Sun editor-in-chief Adrienne Batra. “With that in mind, it is imperative that companies stay ahead of the game, and work diligently to deliver the kind of content that their readers expect. That’s why we’re happy to announce our new initiative ‘Dollars for Dark Delinquents'”.
“We want the get the word out there to all melanated-meanies that the Sun is here to help them ‘Get rich or die trying’, by offering them a solid return on any acts of criminality that we can report on”.
Ms. Batra articulated the perks of the program, including up to $1000 for any act felonious act that can be credited to a person of colour. “It is imperative that we can clearly establish your demographic viability,” she cautions. “So, a solid portfolio is paramount. We want mugshots that don’t wash out your skin tone, witness descriptions that highlight noteworthy features like cornrows or religious-headgear and, perhaps most importantly, last names that shout ‘I am not from Oakville'”.
The Editor is quick to note that, although they are not high priority prospects, White criminals can also get in on the action. “You’ll just have to get a little creative. Obviously, photographs just aren’t going to work in your favour so, instead, try to break the law in some place like Scarborough or Brampton, so our readers can use their imaginations”.
Relatedly, Ms. Batra says the paper is also seeking motivated interns to write the sarcastic statement “Diversity is Our Strength” in the comments section of each article.
