NEW YORK CITY – As Saturday Night Live prepares to honours its history, with a 50th Anniversary special, broadcaster NBC is making sure that the hotly-anticipated episode includes as many A-list guests as possible, to distract viewers in the event that Eddie Murphy chooses not to attend.
“For half a century, Saturday Night Live has been making the world laugh,” began NBCUniversal spokesperson Cynthia Harlowe, “and every time we try to honour that legacy all anyone does is ask whether Eddie Murphy is going to be there. Well, the answer is ‘We have no fucking idea’, okay?! So how about you stop asking and just enjoy every Oscar winner, Grammy winner, Reality TV star we can think of!”.
According to Harlowe, with every major milestone the landmark series has celebrated, the presence, or lack thereof, of the legendary comedian, and former cast-member, has dominated discussion before and after the event.
“Okay, look we get it, will he appear or will David Spade piss him off, again? Will he do one of his classic bits, or will he just give some really awkward speech like at the 40th? We don’t know!”. Harlowe continued “His promotion run for Dolemite is My Name got us that great Christmas episode, can’t you folks just be satisfied with that? Wasn’t that great? The cast seemed so happy just to be sharing the staged with someone infinitely more loved and talented than they can ever hope to be! So enjoy your Hankses and Kardashians and quit your damned whining!”.
“I mean for fuck’s sake, we got Dave Chappelle! He’s funny!”
Meanwhile, the franchise’s creator expressed ambivalence. “What do I care? I didn’t hire the guy” said Lorne Michaels. “Frankly, I don’t see the point to anyone appearing if they don’t have to go out of their way to thank me”.
Even if Murphy were to opt out of an appearance, Harlowe insisted that fans won’t be disappointed, noting “I just want to assure everyone, you can count on plenty of Joe Piscopo”.
