HALIFAX – Editor’s Note: It was a shocking scene at sunset, yesterday, when our beloved Toda Mariko took her own life in protest of recent actions at Nova Scotia Power. Out of respect, we print her statement in its entirety.
I, Akechi Mariko, daughter of Akechi Jinsai, protest this shameful act by Nova Scotia Power to grant a 65% raise to President Peter Gregg, and, by my death, register my disgust.
This company has prevented me to from doing my duty to basic economic principles and taking my business to a competitor whose services won’t fail on a bright, sunny, day with barely any fucking wind; and also won’t give their president a $700 000 raise the same week that exact scenario happened, as the board, I can only assume, collectively pitched raging-schadenboners while whispering “I can feel your anger” like Emperor Palpatine in “Return of the Jedi”.
It is clear, the people of this province are being held hostage to a private monopoly, and will never be relieved of this burden by their public representatives. Representatives who are so quiet on the issue you’d be crazy not to wonder if they hold some kind of personal stake in the organisation but, of course, will never be able to confirm, because you’re not allowed access to that information, for some reason.
In closing I leave my final words in the form of a poem:
Flowers are only flowers because they fall
But it’ll probably be too dark to see the flowers, anyway
Because of salt fog or some such bullshit
UPDATE: We have received word that, in light of recent events, all Nova Scotia Power customers may expect their next bill to include an additional surchange for “Samurai blood cleanup”.
