CALGARY – Recent efforts to rezone Calgarian communities to allow for more townhouses, duplexes and row houses has run up against opposition from citizens who have raised concerns that the new buildings could eventually be occupied.
Brentwood Homeowners association President Candice Mudryk explained her association’s members’ concerns. “We understand there’s a housing crisis in this city, and this country as a whole,” she began, “and we are all for adding more buildings to our community, I mean, that means more dues to us. But we draw the line at putting people IN those buildings!”.
“I mean, have you met people? They’re the worst! They walk, they communicate, they.. DO things. Imagine going for a stroll and being forced to make eye-contact with another person! Or, god forbid, small talk! I don’t know about you, but I can’t think of anything worse than living in a world with another me!”.
Inglewood resident Tommy Gregory agreed. “It’s a slippery slope,” he said. “First people are living in houses. The next thing you know they’re disturbing the peace by having friends over at 4PM on a Saturday afternoon. Pretty soon you’re having to stand in line at the grocery store. When I bought my home no one told me I was going to have to be a part of some kind of society!”.
Ms. Mudryk pointed out that there are other downsides to an increased human presence in a community. “More people means more cars. More cars means more carbon emissions. Which means global warming. I know people around here don’t want to believe that exists but, I’m sure we’d be willing to if it means that we don’t ever having to learn another person’s name”.
