WIMBLEDON – Residents of the capital of the United Kingdom are finding themselves furious after their yearly celebration of rain delays was rudely interrupted by a tennis match.
“It’s bollocks!” raged Arnold Torrington. “The Wimbledon rain delay is a time-honoured tradition! It’s the one moment a year when residents of Londinium can feel stress free!”. He continued “Yes, I know it rains all the damned time, here. But it’s never so quiet! Have you been here? It’s the only place in the city where you can go longer than 5 minutes without hearing someone scream about the government, the NHS, or Gareth Southgate!”
Chioma Adeoye expounded on Mr. Torrington’s view. “Yes, this city is basically a non-stop drizzle-factory, but you never have such lovely visuals. It’s not like the rain is flowing into sewer grates, or down steps to the Underground. It’s falling on GRASS. Honest to god GRASS. Undisturbed, bright green, and SO big! You’d be lucky to find a front garden in this city bigger than a service court!”.
“But”, she added, “Then these obnoxious athletes come out and trample all over it. Just disgraceful”.
Nadia Callamachi of Watford shared their frustration. “It’s not just the ambiance. It’s the the general sense of safety,” she noted. “What other place in England can claim that they’ve gone 147 years with only one stabbing?! Then a bunch of wankers stroll out carrying bags full of racquets, and you think ‘Oh great, I’m about to take a beating from a yob'”.
While the spectators generally acknowledge that the tennis-ruptions aren’t too much of a nuisance, because they generally don’t last very long, they further noted that “It’s also stupid that everyone has to wear white”.
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