LOS ANGELES – As first responders continue to risk their lives battling the deadly Greater Los Angeles wildfires, many are seeing the events as a stark reminder of the civilisation-destroying impact of the mind-numbing narcissism of rich and famous people.
Professor Emeritus of Environmental Science at UCLA Dr. Heather Truong detailed how the current situation has been exacerbated by the last decade’s rapid increase of social media influencers. “As planetary temperatures rise, many wealthy people are being inundated with extreme warm-weather events, leading them to post an ever-rising number of beach selfies. The sunny conditions then force them to use, and shill, more-and-more nourishing skin care products that ultimately soak every drop of moisture out of the environment and into their #NoFiltered cheeks”.
Dr. Truong’s assessment is not without its skeptics however, as evidenced by the comments of Ego-and-Tonedeafness Industry lobbyist Aaron Borgstrand. “The Beautiful People are actually our best tool in fighting the conflagration,” he explained. “As everyone knows, fires require oxygen to spread, and fortunately, our citiy’s celebrities are sucking up all of it as they use their instagram feeds to post their frustrations about the lack of yoghurt at Whole Foods!”.
“Furthermore, we’ll have an ample supply of later to douse the flames as long as we can continue to throw James Woods on CNN and collect his tears! Or at the very least, enough to refill his swimming pool!”.
In a related story, everyone’s still waiting for Kanye West to make things even worse.
