HALIFAX – A throng of reporters gathered at 1726 Hollis, today, as Tim Houston faced a furor following allegations that he had directed multiple lewd remarks toward the Province, often citing her “beautiful downtowns”.
The remarks in question came in response to a storm of criticism regarding traffic conditions in the the capital city, following a provincial directive ending Work from Home allowances for non-Union civil servants.
“Let me begin by saying that I deeply regret any emotional distress I may have caused,” a contrite Houston told the gathered press. “We are living in an era of accountability and that includes me. Although I assure you, I meant nothing inappropriate when I said I wanted to see citizens crawling all over her vibrant city centres”.
The Premier, who insisted his comments stating that he wanted people “in” Nova Scotia’s downtowns “from one end.. to the other” were strictly about economic factors, and in no way meant to make anyone feel uncomfortable.
He continued “I certainly recognise that I could have been more elegant in my delivery, but I assure you any inappropriate interpretation was strictly the result of a misunderstanding. I admire and respect the province and would never mean to offend her. My intention was simply to get the message across that I want to see a veritable orgy of energetic workers filling every one of her offices and blowing loads- of cash- all over her businesses”.
In a related story, you’re reading this on your phone because you’ve been stuck on Barrington for the last hour.
