OTTAWA – The entire nation is reeling, today after a mass-shooting, which everyone agrees “doesn’t happen in Canada”, happened, again.
Following the horrific tragedy in Tumbler Ridge, British Columbia. Canadians are wondering how a mass shooting, which never happens in this country, could happen again.
“This is unheard of!” exclaimed Ned Coleridge of Canmore. “When you hear about a shooting at a school, you just assume it happened south of the border. Mass-shootings just aren’t something that happen in this country. We’ve only had, what, five in the last year?”.
Despite being shaken by the massacre, Charlottetown resident Samuel Yang is confident we won’t see a repeat. “I mean, after Nova Scotia, our government promised tough legislation intended to put end to this nonsense. I can only assume those changes were swiftly implemented”.
He continued “I mean, it would be crazy to think that literally nothing has actually been done since. This is Canada, after all, we’re not like ‘them'”.
Meanwhile, gun rights advocate Sheila Kelly was quick to caution Canadians not to react too emotionally. “In the wake of such a horrific moment, it’s important that we don’t react with draconian gun control measures,” she said. “We must remember that the vast majority of gun violence in this country is due to firearms that were acquired illegally, generally from the USA, and this is very likely the same”.
“We have no reason to believe the firearms used in this incident were legally obtained like they were in the cases of Polytechnique, Dawson College, Moncton, Quebec City and even one of the guns used in Portopique”.
At press time, hey, at least we’re not America.
