TEL AVIV – As Israel’s war in Gaza enters its second year, the Netanyahu government has continued its tireless search for the hostages, taken during the October 7th attacks, under the rubble of the Lebanese capital of Beirut.
“When Hamas chose to attack the Israeli people on that horrific day, I vowed I would do everything possible to bring our people home,” explained the Prime Minister. “Rest assured I will leave no stone in Gaza unturned. And by ‘stones in Gaza’ I mean the homes, bridges and major arteries in Lebanon”.
Mr. Netanyahu continued by pointing out that, contrary to some claims his government’s actions are excessive, they are in fact in line with accepted standards. “We never do anything unprecedented. In fact we’re making a clear point of acting like our closest ally, the United States. When they were attacked on 9/11, they invaded Afghanistan, but it wasn’t before long that they learned the perpetrators were actually in Iraq. Sadly, it failed because of Left-wing pressure. That Liberal hack Bin Laden had to go and get himself killed before they could put a find the culprits!”.
“Rest-assured that won’t happen, here. Once we’re done in Lebanon, there’s plenty more work to get to. We have pretty good intelligence that Iran is hoarding hostages under their oil fields”.
Asked if this latest escalation is in fact endangering the hostages, who intelligence agencies insist are still in Gaza, the Likud leader was unconcerned. “We have it on pretty good authority, that we already rescued most of the pretty ones”.
