GAZA CITY – As the world mourns the tragic passing of actress Hayden Panettiere, one Gazan child is expressing the hope that she might also live to the ripe old age of 36.
“She’s a real inspiration!” exclaimed 5-year-old Noor Amra. “Since the war started, the average life expectancy in Gaza is around 40, and she ALMOST made it that far! Do you think I could, too? I’ve been on enough morphine drips for shrapnel wounds that we must have the same amount of opioids in our systems!”
Amra continued by explaining how she sees herself in the Remember the Titans actress. “When she was sitting in the stands, freaking out because the team was losing, that was me last week! I mean, in that case the team wasn’t losing, but had just been blown up by a drone, but the emotion was the same. I mean, unlike her, people worldwide weren’t as moved by my tears, but she was already twice my age by then! Maybe someday I’ll get good enough at it to make the front page!”
Pausing to pick a flower from the wreckage of her former home, Noor noted that she was going to try to attend a memorial for Panettiere later in the day. “I heard they’re showing a broadcast of the premiere episode of Heroes at the only hospital in Rafah that still has electricity. My dad said he’ll take me after he makes a water run, but I’m not sure he’ll have the energy for the walk. He’s almost 30, after all.”
At press time, Benjamin Netanyahu is 76.
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