LOWER SACKVILLE – In a horrifying scene, local sexy mechanic Hilary Palance was left paralyzed after her spinal cord snapped while she was seductively leaning over to inspect an engine.
“It was a routine motor vehicle inspection,” explained a tearful Palance from her hospital bed. “It began like any other, I checked the undercarriage, then took off my standard-issue jumpsuit, changed in to a halter top and jean shorts, and popped open the hood”.
She continued, “as is standard procedure, I straightened by legs, stuck out my butt, arched my back, and leaned forward so as to take everything in while still providing a clear view of my upper profile, when I heard a loud crack”.
“The next thing I knew I was being loaded into an ambulance. I tried to wiggle my toes, and couldn’t, but I just assumed it was because my pumps were too tight”.
Despite what doctors have diagnosed to be permanent paralysis, Ms. Palance is steadfast in her belief that she can recover. “I’m determined to get back in the sloped-back game,” she said. “I’ve been taking inspiration from watching clips of Cirque Du Soleil, videos of cats stretching, and porn, lots and lots of porn”.
At press time, Palance has been inundated with numerous well-wishes and gifts, including a signed photo of Megan Fox in ‘Transformers’.
