HALIFAX – In the midst of Wayne Gretzky facing intense criticism in his home country for his cozy relationship with American President Donald Trump, Stephen Mounds, a hockey fan who subscribes to left-wing political ideals, is adamant that he never liked the man widely regarded as the greatest hockey player of all time.
“Whenever the topic of Gretzky’s friendship with Trump comes up, I’m always quick to remind everyone that I always hated him”, Mr. Mounds explained as he cleaned out his garage. “It’s kind of sad, really. I wish everyone else knew what he was about before this nonsense, they wouldn’t be all angry and frothy-at-the-mouth like I definitely wasn’t when Gary Suter cheap-shotted him in the ’91 Canada Cup”.
With the POTUS making threats to annex his birth-country many Canadians are expressing their outrage at The Great One for refusing to denounce Mr. Trump’s inflammatory comments, with several expressing regret that they used to think highly of the NHL’s all-time points leader. Mr. Mounds, however, insists that the latter group were foolish from the beginning and that he “always knew that ’99’ was a traitor”.
“I actually feel sorry for these naive fools,” Stephen explained as he hastily placed a sheet over a box labeled Oilers Memorabilia 85-88. “For some reason they were completely blind to the fact that, as a White man who is also a member of the uber-rich, it’s almost expected that someone like ol’ Wayne would support the MAGA movement, and now their childish faces are streaming with tears like the ones I definitely didn’t shed as I watched his retirement game”.
“Sometimes your favourite players can have some really awful politics. Although, I’m completely confident that Sidney Crosby shares mine”.
At press time, Mr. Mounds would like everyone to know that he also always thought that Bobby Orr was overrated.
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