MONTREAL – A recent Canadiens match was the scene of embarrassment for one mother after the one-ice action combined with her fandom for the steamy new Crave series “Heated Rivalry” led to her experiencing an instinctive, and very-public, orgasm.
Still too weak-kneed to give a full account of the incident, Meredith Ansmore’s daughter Kelly detailed circumstances for reporters. “In retrospect the warning signs were there from the beginning,” the younger Ansmore explained. “I should’ve realised something was up when I asked if we should take a cab to the Bell Centre, or transit, and face flushed and said ‘you mean.. should we.. ride.. the Montreal.. Metro?'”.
The series, based on Rachel Reid’s novels about the torrid love affair between a Russian and a Canadian hockey star in a fictionalised version of the National Hockey League, has already attracted a huge global following, particular among female and queer audiences, and has had the side effect of turning the sport into a well of titillation for a new audience.
Intimacy expert and hockey fan Eric McDermott explained. “For a long time, hockey was generally only a source of ‘bedroom thoughts’ for those with pretty specific tastes, Saskatchewan farm boys types, and hey, to each their own, but there really wasn’t something for everyone, y’know? I’ve always leaned towards Eastern European men, myself, so the Fall of the Iron Curtain was real awakening for me. I’ve been a Red Wings fan, ever since”.
He continued. “Now, as the game continues to grow and become more diverse, the horny among us are finding greater acceptance. ‘Heated Rivalry’ is about a strapping Slavic stud and an Asian-Canadian Adonis, it wasn’t a long time ago that such an notion would’ve been a laughable fantasy. But now you can tune into a random broadcast and see a bunch of sweaty, chiseled Panarins, Kadris and Suzukis crash in to each at 30 miles an hour!”.
“When the ‘You Can Play’ movement and the ‘Hockey Diversity Alliance’ started, I don’t think they envisioned an outcome like this, but it sure has been fun!”.
Asked for her thoughts, Meredith whispered her own feelings on the matter “If you can play, you can play.. with yourself”.
