NEW YORK CITY – NHL Analyst Steve Valiquette criticised New Jersey Devils star Jack Hughes, after the latter’s breakaway attempt displayed a disrespectful degree of talent.
“It was disgusting!” Valiquette fumed. “It was bad enough the way he disrespectfully anticipated the turnover, he had to go on to rudely coral the puck, and impolitely accelerate across the blue line! To top it off he then tries to SCORE?! It’s about manners, people! This is the NHL, with over a hundred years of noble history! You don’t go spitting in the face of all of that by being good at hockey!”.
According to the veteran MSG Network broadcaster, Hughes’s attempted one-handed tuck, a move so audacious that it only a handful of thousands of players have tried it since it became popular just a scant 30-years after it was attempted by the similarly insolent Hall-of-Famer Peter Forsberg; was “Instagram hockey”, in a reference to the social media site literally no one goes to for elite hockey highlights.
“I’ll tell you one thing,” he continued. “He wouldn’t have tried that in my day. Colton Orr would’ve been banging his stick on the boards, letting Hughes know that if he tried that again, ol’ ‘Bobby’ would be adding another five to his 1186 career PIMs! Now, that’s hockey!”.
“He’s also lucky that Shesterkin was polite enough to turn the other cheek and make a completely routine save. I would’ve shown my disgust by leaving a completely wide open net for him to lazily tap the puck in to.. if I were playing.. which I probably wouldn’t be.. unless it were in the AHL”.
At press time, Valiquette insisted he was not alone in his consternation “I’ve received countless messages of support from the likes of John Tortorella, Brian Burke and even Don Cherry, though he I think he thought I was Steve McQueen because he mostly just wanted to talk about ‘The Great Escape'”.
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