Tag: All

A&W’s ‘Blue Jays Win, You Win’ promotion going exactly as planned

TORONTO - It was a calm and pleasant mood at A&W headquarters, this week, as another poor showing by the Toronto Blue Jays meant...

Curse of Oak Island announces incredible discovery of 12th season

HALIFAX - Producers of the popular History Channel series "The Curse of Oak Island" released stunning news, yesterday, announcing the discovery of a 12th...

Leafs brass promises to address team’s problems by trading away more first round picks

TORONTO - Following another tough elimination early in the Stanley Cup playoffs, Maple Leafs executives have stated that they intend to improve the club’s...

AI calculates ideal museum navigation route for people with OCD

NEW YORK CITY - Machine Learning firm Navigational Dynamics has announced the development of a mobile application, rOuteCD, that can plot the perfect path...

PSA: Not all Karens are Bad

We here at The Empty Press would like to take a moment to register our frustration with a recent trend. The colloquialism "Karen" used...

Recent

Canadians hopeful boring PM means Americans will go back to not knowing anything about them

OTTAWA - After Monday's election saw the affirmation of...

Raptors blame poor season on “Brett”

TORONTO - As players for the Toronto Raptors cleared...

NHL insists Patel “just a hockey guy” in the same way that Palin “just a hockey mom”

NEW YORK CITY - After Kash Patel featured prominently...

Liberal hockey fan insists he never liked Gretzky

HALIFAX - In the midst of Wayne Gretzky facing...