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AI calculates ideal museum navigation route for people with OCD

NEW YORK CITY - Machine Learning firm Navigational Dynamics has announced the development of a mobile application, rOuteCD, that can plot the perfect path...

PSA: Not all Karens are Bad

We here at The Empty Press would like to take a moment to register our frustration with a recent trend. The colloquialism "Karen" used...

Pathetic Bachelor torn between support for Loblaw boycott and reliance on PC Meals

EDMONTON - Thirty-seven-year-old, unmarried, insurance adjuster Chris Reinhardt is finding himself in a bind as he balances his belief in the message being sent...

Rudy Gobert promises league and fans he won’t go anywhere near a glass of milk

MINNEAPOLIS - With news that traces of the H5N1 virus have been found in unpasteurised milk from infected cows, Timberwolves star Rudy Gobert has...

Calgarians concerned that more homes could lead to more people living in them

CALGARY - Recent efforts to rezone Calgarian communities to allow for more townhouses, duplexes and row houses has run up against opposition from citizens...

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Yellowjackets fans ask “Wait, who’s THAT?”

WASHINGTON, DC - As hit Showtime offering "Yellowjackets" rolls...

Nova Scotians would just like to watch hockey without hearing cringey comments about the province

HALIFAX - After a thrilling overtime victory for Canada...

SNL50 to feature as many celebrities as possible in case Eddie Murphy doesn’t show

NEW YORK CITY - As Saturday Night Live prepares...