ST. JOHN’S – Chatter in local pubs, today, appears to be centred around a nail-piece from the big toe of Aaron Walsh, which travelled across the North Atlantic Ocean in an awe-inspiring 34.25 seconds.
“I always knew he had it in him,” said Mr. Walsh about his courageous keratin. “He’s always been a stubborn bugger, demanding that I really put everything in to snipping him off. Even when I was a baby, my parents had to special-order industrial strength clippers just to pierce his unusually thick edge. Once you got through, it was difficult to maintain a downward-trajectory”.
“But, as I’ve aged, my waning flexibility has lead to me needing leverage more than accuracy. So I had to throw any hope of landing in the tissue or garbage can out the window, and just let his free-spirit reign”. Aaron continued, “Soon, I realised I was stifling greatness. Sure it was frustrating, at first. Dented drawers, broken windows, having to buy milk because he managed to pierce the carton; but the talent was there. Eventually, we had to set up in the backyard, because so many neighbourhood kids wanted to see how far he’d go. Then came Tuesday”.
“To be frank, it didn’t seem like anything special at first, just a run-of-the-mill ‘snap’; no one could’ve figured what was coming. But, then we found ourselves looking around, wondering where he landed. We were all getting a little nervous, you could hear a pin drop. Then, half-a-minute later, we heard it. Someone with a British accent screaming ‘My eye!’. The rest was history”.
Asked if he and his shimmering shards plan to challenge any other marks, Mr. Walsh answered in the negative. “No, it’s time to retire. We’ve had a good run. Plus my wife has threatened to leave me if I didn’t stop being ‘so gross'”.
