HALIFAX – After a thrilling overtime victory for Canada at the 4 Nations Face-Off Tournament, Nova Scotians are finding themselves struggling with the excitement of watching an excellent performance by their fellow Bluenosers, coupled with the annoyance of listening to sportscasters make stereotypical comments about the province in which they reside.
“It’s like there’s no middle ground in this country,” grumbled Andrew Chen of Digby. “Either they have no idea we exist, or they go out of their way to say the absolute most eye-roll-worthy nonsense that they can think of. Would it be so terrible to compliment a slick wrister without making some kind of reference to kitchen parties?”.
The matchup with Sweden featured notable performances from all three Nova Scotian members of the squad, including one goal each from Nathan MacKinnon of the Colorado Avalanche and Brad Marchand of the Boston Bruins, and a “First Star” performance from captain Sidney Crosby of the Pittsburgh Penguins.
“Look I can deal with the obvious stuff,” said Dartmouth’s Carole MacKenzie. “Donairs, the ocean, sure, but at some point you need to stop trying. We’re not aliens, okay? We’re Canadians, just like you! We like hockey, and hate the weather, Trump, and Rogers”.
“I got so annoyed I ended up watching the French broadcast. Quebecers couldn’t care less about anyone else. Although, have you noticed that they seem to be trying to claim Crosby as one of their own? Back off, he’s ours!”
According to Saint Mary’s University professor Allison Lomax, such cheesy references are an important part of Canadian Heritage. “Canadian media is dominated by Upper and Western Canadians who go most of their lives without realising that there are actual human beings east of the Gaspé peninsula. But with so many Maritimers in the NHL, nowadays, they’ve been forced to pretend they’ve known that all along”.
She continued “The result is a hodge-podge of references to lobsters, fiddle-music, and suggestions that a city of half-a-million people is a small town”.
Regardless of cringe-inducing commentary, most fans maintain that they will continue to cheer on their national team, and further acknowledge that the situation could be a lot worse. “Thank God there’s no one on the team from Newfoundland,” noted MacKenzie. “If we hear someone refer to it as a Maritime Province, you’ll find we’re not nearly as friendly as James Duthie constantly says that we are”.
