HALIFAX – With the entire country sure to be glued to their TV sets for tomorrow’s highly-anticipated USA-Canada Gold Medal final, local nerd Lance Meyer is looking forward to getting some shopping done.
“I’m super excited!”, exclaimed Meyer. “Canada’s going to playing in a gold medal game, and that means all of the stores will be empty! Not a single person without whom I’ll be forced to make chit-chat, or heaven forbid, eye-contact!”.
He continued “Not only that, the roads will be completely empty! I won’t have to risk people honking the horn because I’m driving too slow, or driving along side and making eye-contact!”.
Mr. Meyer’s enthusiasm for the big game even extended to this evening. “I may be getting ahead of myself, but, with everyone turning in early so they can wake up nice and early, I may leave my house after dark! 7PM, here I come! Even better, It’s hard to see, so less risk of eye-contact!”.
At press time, a giddy Meyer detailed his plans. “Perhaps I’ll go to the local gaming-restaurant to play some solitaire! Hell, maybe I’ll even go to the gym! I’ll finally be able to use that membership I’m too afraid to cancel!”.
