PARIS – As the City of Lights readies itself to host the 2024 Summer Olympics, many athletes are looking forward to their chance to prove themselves worthy of an appearance on the upcoming season of Reality TV series.
“Once upon a time, the Olympics were about the spirit of competition, and athletes trying to test the limits of the human body,” said American Chef de Mission, Rocky Harris, “but now they’re so much more! Today it’s about squeezing every lost drop of attention you get from those two weeks into an appearance on Survivor, or Dancing With The Stars or, if you’re really lucky, your very own E! series!”.
According to NBC Entertainment reporter Lusi Gong there is an “established pattern” for Olympians to realise their branding potential. “First you want to maximise your screen time”, she explained. “Gold medals are a great way to do so, but if you don’t finish on top there’s no reason to fret. If you earn silver, don’t try to hide your disappointment, let it out and you’ll have given the viewing public Photoshop dynamite. Also, while you might be inclined to focus all of your energy on the competition, you’ve got to be careful not to neglect your instagram. A quick choreographed dance with a teammate on the eve of the big race is sure to get your agent some calls from the producers of Big Brother”.
Gong continued “Once the games are over, you’ve gotta put in the leg work. Obviously, a stint on one of the big primetime shows is your ultimate goal, but those can be hard to come by. So, definitely have your agent ring up Kelly and Mark. You’ll also need to crack some textbooks and see if you can earn a slot on the Jeopardy! Celebrity Tournament. After that, you’ll definitely want to grab a spread in ESPN’s Body Issue. You put all that work into making that physique, now it’s time to have it work for you! Remember, even if you don’t get that Amazing Race gig, you may still have a shot at a guest spot on a CW drama!”.
“Also, it NEVER hurts to make a big point of mentioning how important your faith is in your life. Get that TLC money guaranteed!”
Sprinter Steve Jacobson notes that the transition from high-performance athlete to unscripted television is actually fairly smooth. “The Games are a reality show in their own right,” he shared. “Think about it, a bunch of people you’ve never heard of are suddenly all anyone can talk about on social media, their facial reactions are everywhere as memes, and The Daily Mail is constantly speculating about who they might have hooked up with”.
While some viewers may be inclined to criticise the shift towards self-branding, gymnast Meredith Percy offered some sobering perspective. “Gold medals are great, but I’ve bested Olivia Dunne at meets all over America. It’d be nice to turn that success into a fraction of what she makes from lip-syncing on TikTok”.
