WASHINGTON – With a campaign in full swing, President Joe Biden’s re-election team has opted for a slogan that counters his opponent’s famed “Make American Great Again” rallying cry, in the form of “Make America Ferrera Again”.
Campaign spokesperson Meredith Johansson explained the reasoning behind the expression. “Let’s be frank, the idea that America was ever truly ‘great’ is basically a slap in the face to every person of colour in this country, and most of its white people, too,” she began. “It’s a lie. It’s presenting an image of the past that is simply fantasy. We thought to ourselves ‘If we want to make America into something that is great, then what is something that already exists which most right-minded people agree actually is great?’. From there the answer was clear”. She continued “I mean, what’s better than one Ana Garcia? Two, of course!”.
Speaking to a crowd in Wilmington, Delaware, the President’s speech demonstrated how strongly he intended to push the new theme. “Look here, Jack, there’s no denying this country’s looking a little mousey, lately,” he told supporters. “She’s got dull hair, unflattering glasses and poor fashion sense,” The President added, “But we think our spending and infrastructure plans are going to change our struggling nation for the better. They’re going to turn her into a red-carpet dynamo with perfect skin, charisma for days and, let’s be honest, a pretty damned sexy-voice!”.
The president closed by exclaiming “We’re going to tear off those braces and let the whole world see a smile that could shame the sun! We’re going to be our own travelling pants!”.
Before leaving to attend a strategy-session, Ms. Johnson offered a quick clarification. “Look we’re not saying that Trump supporters don’t think Ferrera is great, you have to figure many do. But,” she noted, “We’re just saying that if you DON’T think she’s great, then you must be a Trump supporter”.
Reached for comment, Ms. Ferrera’s representatives responded that she was too busy being awesome.
