HALIFAX – Premier Tim Houston took to social media today to condemn a “definitely real” cabal of local judges that intends to kill your dog.
“It is with great concern that I inform the good people of Nova Scotia that a secret society made up of members of our judiciary are out for the blood of your four-legged friends,” stated the Premier in an all-caps post on his personal Facebook account.
He continued “This is a matter so dire, that I am forced to deliver this message via social media, instead of from Province House, because I’m pretty sure this group may extend to including MLAs, reporters, and anyone else who has the power to hold my words to account”.
According to the Premier, he first learned of these Bloodletters-of-Bloodhounds while conducting his thorough investigation into a similar group of magistrates whom he recently accused of banning the poppy, a national symbol of remembrance, from courtrooms; and eventually learning that they were, in fact, the same nefarious organisation.
“They have so much in common!”, he noted, detailing the connections between the two events. “They were both accused of doing something that’s bound to outrage a lot of people, being convinced it is happening is bound to distract people from other issues, and, most worrisome of all, they ABSOLUTELY exist!”
In closing, Mr. Houston assured all Nova Scotians, that, as long as he’s in charge, “all creatures great and small should fear no threat” and, further, implored the public to aid him in his quest to root out any “enemies of freedom and fur”or, as he likes to call it, “furdom”. To that end, the Premier suggested residents report any suspicious activity from their peers, like expressions of frustration with pet dander, acknowledgement of conflicted feelings with traditions and symbols associated with Remembrance Day, or asking any questions about the Dartmouth Cove Infill.
