White girl outraged by Robbie snub takes solace in knowledge that Gladstone didn’t win

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LOS ANGELES – After being angered by the lack of an Oscar nomination for Margot Robbie, following her turn in box-office hit Barbie, noted White girl Cathy Henderson has found some closure in the form of Emma Stone’s win for her performance in Poor Things over heavy-favourite Lily Gladstone of Killers of the Flower Moon.

“I have to say this is some welcome news,” says Ms. Henderson. “Barbie really spoke to me, which is why I was so angry that Ms. Robbie and Ms. Gerwig didn’t receive nominations, but to know Lily Gladstone didn’t win softens the blow, because, seriously, Killers of the Flower Moon? Way over my head”.

Cathy adds “I’m not saying Gladstone wasn’t good, but the story of a woman who struggles with the confused emotions she has for those who simultaneously love her and abuse her, while also juggling generational trauma with the constant spectre of threats to her life and loved ones? What a bummer!”.

She continued “It’s all a little over-the-top don’t you think? Who can relate to that?. But Barbie? The story of a girl who actually experiences a largely enjoyable life, surrounded by people who affirm and celebrate her, blissfully unaware of the injustices in the world; who, as she matures, becomes aware of how her gender leaves her with disadvantages and hardships not faced by the men in her life? That really spoke to me and all of my friends. We all agreed that’s what it’s like to be a woman!”.

Asked what it was about Ms. Stones victory over Ms. Gladstone left her feeling vindicated, Cathy found herself at somewhat of a loss. “Y’know I can’t quite put my finger on what it was that made me feel more comfortable when Emma Stone won. I never actually saw Poor Things. But, La La Land was great! And I really like her hair!”.

When queried as to whether she was similarly outraged that Barbie actress America Ferrera, whose monologue on womanhood was lauded by critics and cited as a particular standout moment from the film, came away empty-handed after being nominated in the Best Supporting actress category, Ms. Henderson responded “Who?”.

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