TORONTO – As the Toronto Blue Jays prepared to embark on their first trip to the World Series in 32 years, ceremonies commemorating the sombre occasion largely went unnoticed due to the joyous din of Diwali revellers.
As a small group consisting of players of the new American League champions, and their families gathered to mark the auspicious occasion, they found their dignified ceremony over shadowed as the GTA’s large and numerous South Asian communities marked the ancient festival with fireworks, parties and occasionally-excessive displays of meditation and obsequience to their Creator.
Many team officials expressed concern that the contrast is the result of a growing societal trend of people turning away from sports and focusing their energy on less sacred activities like religion. “Every year it seems like baseball is just a less and less important part of people’s lives,” lamented series MVP Vladimir Guerrero, Jr. “They’d rather focus on spirituality and be thankful for their bounty in life. To each their own, but it’s just kind of sad”.
“Do you think they’d care more if we told them it’s kind of like cricket?”.
Team manager John Schneider shared the sentiment, but did offer some advice to the religious masses. “Maybe in between all of the candle-lighting and prayer, you could take a moment to reflect, and say a solemn ‘FUCKING RIGHT, BABY!'”.
Leaving to join his players, Schneider was heard to sombrely mutter “Just once I wish we could scare the fuck out of everyone’s dogs”.
