MEDICINE HAT – As the second season of of House of the Dragon premieres, local dumbass Steve Cantor remains convinced that author George RR Martin is working diligently on his famed fantasy novel series A Song of Ice and Fire.
“He’s just pounding out pages,” insists the 36-year-old botanist/simpleton. “Every time he shows up at a film festival, or a convention, or pristine beach in Southeast Asia, you can rest assured that once he’s finished high-fiving fans, taking a sun-nap, or shredding Benjamins to top his burger, Mr. Martin is back in New Mexico chipping away at the final pages of The Winds of Winter“.
According to the foolish father of two surprisingly non-imbecilic children, the famed novelist’s slow progress on the series is a result of his careful constructed writing process. “Everyone knows that he uses WordStar 4.0 on an MS-DOS system. It allows him to write his stories without being encumbered by modern spell-check systems that you definitely CANNOT TURN OFF. How else can you explain why he won’t get a laptop? It must just be hell for to live out his later years flying to exotic locales, soaking in the love of thousands, and signing multi-million dollar development deals, when all he really wants to do is give closure to people who really ought to have better things to do”.
“I mean, for God’s sake, that computer is older than me! It probably takes the whole Giants season just to boot up!”
While others may have become resigned to the fact that they will never receive a literary ending to the saga of the Starks and Lannisters, the hopeful halfwit insists that not-only is there a light at the end of the tunnel, but that the story will come to a breathtaking conclusion and will “definitely be better than the Game of Thrones finale”.
In a related story, Mr. Martin has apparently found time to write another one of those lame Dunk and Egg books.
