HALIFAX – As the city embarks on its annual Pride festivities, older members of the LGBTQ+ community are finding themselves annoyed with just how damned loud they are.
“Believe me, I know the value of the Pride parade as much as anyone,” explained 51-year-old Melanie Tallon, “But there comes a point in your life where there’s only so much your ears can take. I get it, you’re proud, you’re fearless, shout it from the rooftops, but do you have to do it through a friggin’ megaphone? You’re killing my afternoon nap!”.
Senior citizen Darrell Hollingsworth particularly blamed popular music for his consternation. “Back then, standing up for your rights was a much more ear-friendly affair. Indigo Girls, Culture Club, these were calm, free-spirited chants meant to make you smile while you tackled weighty issues. Now it’s whatever the DJs are blasting in Mykonos! It’s a goddamned tinnitus-inducing nightmare!”.
He continued “We were friends of Dorothy, not friends of Sabrina!”
Retired drag-peformer Cleosmacktra agreed. “Believe me, in my 20s I celebrated hard,” she insisted. “In those days it was all about popping ketamine at noon and rocking the mic ’til dawn breaks. But now I’m popping melatonin at four and in bed by 10”.
“So, could you please just keep it the fuck down? I’ve got a Zoom call with Bangalore at 5AM”.
Nevertheless, the Boomer-through-Millennial crowd insisted that they remain steadfast in their commitment to the cause. Said Mr. Hollingsworth “Don’t let anyone take away your right to be yourself. Just don’t take away my right to fall asleep while watching Wheel of Fortune”.
