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NYC officially adopts motto “Sir, you can’t sit there”

NEW YORK CITY - Eric Adams, Mayor of New York City, chose today's morning briefing to announce his latest initiative for the nation's largest...

Curse of Oak Island announces incredible discovery of 12th season

HALIFAX - Producers of the popular History Channel series "The Curse of Oak Island" released stunning news, yesterday, announcing the discovery of a 12th...

AI calculates ideal museum navigation route for people with OCD

NEW YORK CITY - Machine Learning firm Navigational Dynamics has announced the development of a mobile application, rOuteCD, that can plot the perfect path...

PSA: Not all Karens are Bad

We here at The Empty Press would like to take a moment to register our frustration with a recent trend. The colloquialism "Karen" used...

Pathetic Bachelor torn between support for Loblaw boycott and reliance on PC Meals

EDMONTON - Thirty-seven-year-old, unmarried, insurance adjuster Chris Reinhardt is finding himself in a bind as he balances his belief in the message being sent...

Breaking

Raptors blame poor season on “Brett”

TORONTO - As players for the Toronto Raptors cleared...

NHL insists Patel “just a hockey guy” in the same way that Palin “just a hockey mom”

NEW YORK CITY - After Kash Patel featured prominently...

Liberal hockey fan insists he never liked Gretzky

HALIFAX - In the midst of Wayne Gretzky facing...

Yellowjackets fans ask “Wait, who’s THAT?”

WASHINGTON, DC - As hit Showtime offering "Yellowjackets" rolls...