NEW YORK – Currently serving a four-game suspension for elbowing, Rangers rookie Matt Rempe has found himself with a free moment to consider his place in the NHL, and speculate on a future in the league that he, ultimately, won’t recollect.
“I just want to say I’m not here to be some flash-in-the-pan,” Rempe began. “I’m here for the long haul, I’m hear to make a name for myself, I’m here to.. what was I talking about?”.
“Oh right, my point is, I think it’s pretty cool to envision myself, long after I retire, watching old highlights and getting just as excited as all the fans, because, as they say, it’s ‘new to me'”.
Speaking to reporters, Mr. Rempe spoke about his rapid rise in the hockey headlines. “To hear people chanting my name, seeing people stand on their feet in MSG when I’m about to.. uh.. do something, it’s a great feeling. It’s dizzying. Literally.. that’s why I’m sitting down right now”.
Taking a moment to throw up in a nearby waste-basket, the rookie, who has collected 54 penalty minutes in just 10 games so far into his career, talked about what the excitement around his debut says about the place of fighting in the game, and what it could mean for him going forward. “I hope this shuts up the ‘no fighting’ crowd once and for all. This is why we play the game, fighting Olivier, Arseneau and uh.. the other guy, it’s gotten people talking, at least that’s what the paramedics tell me”.
He added “It gives me chills to gaze into the future and think about kids coming up to me, and telling me all about it, as I sit on my front steps in a rocking chair. I can’t think of a better way to spend my thirties”.
Asked for the names of any other league heavyweights he was interested in dropping the gloves with, the right shot forward paused, for thirty-seconds, before a team representative waved a hand in front of the player’s face and suggested reporters ask something else.
When queried as to the league’s history and any players he particularly admired, Rempe quickly responded with legendary Maple Leafs defenceman Bobby Baun, saying “I’ve always dreamt of playing in a cup final and getting carted off the ice on a stretcher”.
Asked if he’s worried about possible side effects the physical punishment might take on him, the fourth-liner waved away any concerns. “I hear Rangers doctors are pretty good at prescribing pain meds”.
Before leaving for practice, Rempe was asked if he had any final statements for fans and press, which he obliged with “Yeah, who’s making bread?”.
