HALIFAX – A moment of panic hit Steve Coleman, 37, of Lower Sackville, after he found himself wondering if his internal-monologue may actually have been external, and the wider public just saw, and heard, him spend the last 20 minutes loudly talking to himself on a busy street.
“Oh no, this is bad,” Steve began. “I was just doing the usual, you know, leaving the office, to grab some lunch, while simultaneously ranting in my head about various topics; when I stubbed my foot and shouted ‘ow!'” he explained. “That’s when it hit me, that yelp didn’t sound any louder than my imaginary talk-radio interview where I explain why Keefe should put Marner and Matthews on separate lines!”.
Sweat pouring down his face, Mr. Coleman went on to recall key moments in his sojourn that only served to further induce his paranoia. “So when that cop was walking side-by-side with me while I was pretending to engage the premier in a spirited debate about the lack of hospital beds, was it just a coincidence or was he trying to gauge how much of a threat I posed?” he wondered.
“And,” he continued, “When that girl smiled at me in the middle of my monologue from my hypothetical Star Wars film, was it just because she recognised me from the gym or was it more of an I-am-a-friend-please-don’t-kill-me smile? Should I cancel my membership?”.
It was at this point that Steve remembered his most fraught interaction. “FUCK. I passed by Dennis from Marketing at the same time I imagined giving my Nobel Peace Prize speech. That jackass is the biggest gossip in the office! That’s it, I gotta quit!”.
The copywriter went on to scold himself “I’m usually so careful. Normally I only let my inner-dialogue out in safe places, like the car, where I can drive with one hand over my mouth, or least pretend I’m singing”.
At press time Steve was considering ways he could prevent such incidents in the future, saying “Okay, maybe I should always make sure I have my AirPod in so people think I’m on a call, or wear a COVID mask so no one recognises me, or- Oh god- I’m doing it again aren’t I?!”
