DARTMOUTH – The community was left aghast, once again, this week, after local dickhead Derek Osment responded to Kent Building Supplies employee Marek Svehla’s assistance with a simple “thank you”, neglecting the customary addendum “so much”.
“I was fuming,” exclaimed Mr. Svehla. “Where are we at as a society when hard work is rewarded with such a slap-in-the-face?!”
“Thank you?! THANK YOU?! What even IS that?! If you don’t follow a ‘thank you’ with a ‘so much’, how the hell am I supposed to take that as anything other than a cleverly disguised ‘fuck you’?!”. Marek continued “Thank you. Thank you how much? Thank you not much at all? Thank you negative infinity? How that guy lives with himself is beyond me”.
Efforts to reach Mr. Svelha for comment were greeted with a voice mail informing the press that he “will not be making any statements at this time, thank you”, so members of the reporters union responded duly by torching his car.
