TORONTO – Following another tough elimination early in the Stanley Cup playoffs, Maple Leafs executives have stated that they intend to improve the club’s fortunes by trading away even more first round picks.
“It’s clear that this organization just doesn’t have the secondary talent to augment our team’s core,” said Team President Brendan Shanahan. We’ve been trying to remedy that issue by trading away first round picks, and yet still find ourselves in the same spot. So our path is clear: If we want to build a championship team in this era, we need to trade away a LOT MORE first rounders!”.
Shanahan went on to express his frustration with the idea that his team was failing in its endeavour to address its lack of depth. “All I ever hear from the press is criticisms,” he fumed. “You said ‘you need goaltending’ so we traded a first rounder for Frederik Andersen. You said ‘You need defence’ so we traded a first rounder for Jake Muzzin. You said ‘You need another skilled forward’ so we traded a first rounder and gave you 11 magical games of Nick Foligno!”.
“We even gave a team a first rounder to take Petr Mrazek off our hands! So, I can’t possibly imagine what you all think we aren’t trying”.
Before excusing himself to attend a board meeting, Mr. Shanahan reiterated his desire to scour the league for scoring help, including asking the gathered reporters “Do you think Calgary would take a first rounder for Nazem Kadri?”.
At press time, the author of this article still doesn’t understand why no one at MLSE has asked him to fix the team for them.
