HALIFAX – Nova Scotian Premier Tim Houston is advising Nova Scotians to check their cats and dogs for illegal cannabis dispensaries.
In a statement at Province House this morning, Mr. Houston told the gathered press “I have it on good authority that the growth of illegal cannabis dispensaries on our province’s reserves is out of control. That’s why I must implore our citizens to make sure their pets aren’t crawling with the buggers lest they become infected!”.
He continued “If just one finds its way on to your precious fur baby, it’s only a matter of time before they’re displaying bongs in your attic, hosting smoke-ins under your floorboards, selling vape pens in your furniture. The next thing you know, you’re on an operating table and demonic-looking gummy is bursting our of your chest!”
In a related story, Houston revealed that his team had learned that a recent purchase of edibles in Digby had caused Nicki Minaj’s cousin’s testicles to swell to the size of a grapefruit.
