HALIFAX – As the planet Earth completed a quarter of orbit its orbit around the Sun, marking the official start of Spring, it also signalled the official beginning of Nova Scotia’s Just Tell Me What Fucking Jacket to Wear Season.
So-named for the phrase residents often find themselves screaming at the weather forecast, “Justelmy”, as locals call it, is regarded as a significant cultural milestone for the Ocean Playground.
“While officially starting on the Equinox, Justelmy really begins in early March and often extends deep into June” according to Meteorologist Sandy Addington of Sydney. It reflects the fact that, during these crucial months, people in our profession have really no fucking clue what each given day is going to be like until you bite the bullet and step outside, and even that certainty only lasts for a few minutes”.
Accountant William MacInnis of Sheet Harbour explained the financial implications of the season. “Every Nova Scotian knows that they must make sure they have a solid budget for at least ten different types of jackets, or they will find themselves ill-equipped to handle the local forecast”. He continued “And every last one of them will find themselves wearing each of them on at least seven randomly selected days during the Justelmy months”.
Dartmouth-based lawyer Teddy Regan articulated the need for such a fabric arsenal. “Basically you want to accommodate whatever the season will throw at you and, unfortunately, modern textile companies just haven’t been able to identify a singular style of coat that can handle every situation you’ll find yourself in”.
He further detailed “So, for example, you’ll likely want your checkered flannel work-jacket for a super cold day, but, as the sun comes out, that’ll invariably get too hot, in which case, it’s time to switch it up to your something lighter. In a normal place you’re likely just going to need to take your jacket off, but here you’ve got to account for the wind, so you’ll switch it up to your windbreaker. But, here’s the trick, is it just wind or is it wind and rain? In which case you have to choose between your short windbreaker, or your long windbreaker, which is more difficult to walk in, but protects your pants from getting soaked. Of course, this is assuming the weather is reasonably warm, if we’re talking Arctic air, then you’re wanting to switch to the flannel again, unless it’s Arctic air plus heavy rain, in which case you’ll want your other cold weather jacket with a more water-resistant coating”.
Regan adds “Also, it’s important that each of these jackets include a hood, or you better make sure you have one of our iconic Sou’westers handy”.
Of course, the citizenry doesn’t spend Justelmy fretting over clothing, it also includes numerous traditional events, which Adam Durling of Middle Sackville eagerly described. “First off, there are our cherished ‘Is a hoodie a jacket?’ debates, of which I personally subscribe to the ‘only if it has a zipper’ camp,” he said.
Other events include competitions based in the daily experiences of residents. “There’s the Waisters game,” said Durling, “where a person tries to tie as many coats as possible around their midsection, in reflection of how everyone walks around in the afternoon”.
“But my personal favourite is The Slingshot, where people compete over who can travel the furthest distance, by launching themselves off a swinging door. It’s based on the experience of thinking the weather looks perfectly pleasant, only to get launched across your lawn when a gust of wind blasts your storm door open”.
Asked if locals have come up with any alternatives to multiple-coats for the season, Regan answered in the negative, stating “Not, unless you want to look like a crazy-person, and walk around with an umbrella everywhere”.
