THE OFFICE – Afini Turnbull in Sales has scored another win for the home office, today, after recognising she can improve her already-impressive performance by watching YouTube videos at 1.5x-or-higher speed.
“It’s the employee’s dilemma,” begins Ms. Turnbull. “How can I meet deadlines while simultaneously keeping up to date with my streaming obligations? As it turns out, the solution is quite literally at your fingertips. Just drag your digit across the trackpad to that little gear icon on the bottom right and BOOM! Life hack”.
Afini’s coworkers were effusive in praise of their colleague. “Just another killer revelation from ol’ Afini T,” raves PR manager Tabitha Cole. “In today’s financial climate, it’s important to maximise achievement in every free minute. But, where do you find those minutes? Between the morning commute, daily meetings, and catching up on last night’s NBA highlights, I can barely find a moment free to buckle down and get started on my tasks. But, not anymore!”.
The productivity notes from Ms. Afini don’t stop there, either. “First off, I’ve recognised that celebrity interviews are usually little more than pablum. So, I don’t watch Colbert much further than the opening monologue. Combined with the speed bump, suddenly 40 lost-minutes become a 15-minute laugh-break”.
“It doesn’t stop there, though. Many people find music helps get them through the work day. But how do you get anything done when you’re scouring playlists for the perfect track? I like to listen to something soft to maintain a relaxed mindset, but if it’s crunch time and I need to get a deliverable out the door, I want something with a more driving beat. Again, the gear icon is your friend. One selection from the drop down and the dulcet tones of Enya become the driving energy of Fatboy Slim!”.
The pace-manipulation isn’t without its downsides, however. As Ms. Turnbull explains “It’s great for the office but, when I’m back at home and watching regular TV, everyone sounds drunk”.
