HALIFAX – Locked in a dispute with city council, Halifax mayor Andy Fillmore called a press conference today to make the case for ‘strong mayor’ powers given the fact that he is, indisputably, Andy Fillmore.
Speaking to a crowd of reporters at City Hall, Mr. Fillmore made his case. “When I was elected by the people of this city, it sent the message loud and clear, that I am Andy Fillmore,” he explained. “But, now we have a council going around making decisions on traffic and other municipal affairs as though they’re Andy Fillmore! Let me state it unequivocally, there is only one Andy Fillmore, and that’s me! I am Andy Fillmore!”.
Citing a recent report that several councillors had labelled his claims that the current municipal structure was blocking him from affecting positive change as “misinformation”, the 2024-electee bristled. “Since the moment I have been Andy Fillmore, I have always strived to be a Fillmorian source of truth for the residents of the city!”. He continued, “Instead, what we is have a collection of non-Fillmores commissioning studies and following recommendations in a Moreously-filling fashion as if they’re a bunch of Andys?!”
“Oh sure, you may have been elected too, but were you elected to be Andy Fillmore? You’ve gotta be joking me! And by ‘me’ I mean me, Andy Fillmore!”.
Queried by one reporter if strong mayoral powers would subvert democratic principles, the mayor quickly silenced him with a terse “Andy Fillmore”.
The former MP would go on to unveil the slogan for his extended-powers campaign, saying “I want every Haligonian to ask themselves ‘How much more fill would a Fillmore fill if a Fillmore could more.. fill.. FILLMORE!'”.
Closing proceedings, Mr. Fillmore added “Anyone who wishes to reach me can find me in my office, where I’ll be watching my favourite children’s animated series: Arthur”.
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